you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
