Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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