Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
