Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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