it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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