would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
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I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
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I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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