what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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