I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Randomize
