I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
