i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
