it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
