He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
