Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
