I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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