i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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