I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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