I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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