note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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