k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
