he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
