He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
