my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
