just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
