I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
