You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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