i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
