I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
