Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
