i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
