a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
