Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
