on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
