he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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