Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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