opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
