If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
