this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
