A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
