I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
