First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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