Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
