how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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