I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
