last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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