I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
