I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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