Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
