She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize