look no pants
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
