fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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