My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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