so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
