This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize