shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
