Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
