i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
