areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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