The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize