You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
