I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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