She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just googled if crying burns calories
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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