I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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