We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
