Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
