My liver just broke up with me...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize