I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
